JOHN

(Saturday, May 30.)  Hi all-  just a reflection on this horrid event, and its place in all our lives.  I was frankly surprised at the intensity of my reaction to the news of john's passing, and its effect on my world. His generosity and calm demeanor, counterbalanced with the sardonic wit and a disdain for those working in opposition to the moral right direction, endeared him to many, i'm sure. I know these qualities endeared him deeply to me.  I will miss profoundly the acerbic political wit, dinners, banter in the living room, the nine p.m. fadeout, all the qualities that pass unnoticed but are keenly felt and loved. We all can feel the incredible, incalculable loss to our Jacqui, and the pain and sadness that must now abound within her heart.  we are and should be her fortress, the shale upon which she can chip away if she needs or wishes, receptacles for whatever needs to be placed or thrown or hammerred or shrieked into if necessary.  I have offered myself, and do so again for whatever she needs from here on in. For she is the completion of the puzzle, the yin to the yang, a perfect fit that allowed this entity we know as johnnjacqui, jacqui an john, to thrive and infect our universe with love and friendship.  I cried last night for the first time in a long while, I wept for the loss, and futility, the waste, and the knowledge that he probably accepted the end as he had the life before it; with dignity and clear-eyed knowledge that he had done his best.  Please accept this note, my friends, as a cry in the night, a lament, and also a celebration and illumination of our dear dear john Austin.  Good night and good luck, john.    Goodbye.